


don't cry over me, okay?

by CeruleanShockwave



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad!Oikawa, Suicide, depressed!oikawa, mentions of cutting, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 18:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanShockwave/pseuds/CeruleanShockwave
Summary: Please, Iwaizumi Hajime. I want to tell you I love you more than anything in the world. Always have. And please, please don’t cry over me, okay? I’ll haunt you if you do. (I know you probably won’t. You’ll be glad to be rid of me, and I can’t say I deserve any better, but I still want to tell you that).ORThe one in which Oikawa is depressed, Iwaizumi hurts him, and it's too late to save him.





	don't cry over me, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read if you're triggered by suicide, death, blood, etc. PLEASE.  
> Otherwise, enjoy the IwaOi angst!

“God, Trashykawa, you’re _such an idiot!_ ” yells Iwaizumi, finally losing his cool. “Constantly hanging off of me, getting all touchy-feely, calling me by that annoying nickname – by God, I swear my damn ears bleed every time you yell out in that high-pitched whine of yours, ‘Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan,’! Can’t you see how much it irritates me, how much _you_ irritate me? Just leave me alone! I don’t want you around me, damn it!”

Oikawa’s grin drops, replaced by a small smile. “You don’t care about me?” he asks in a bleakly emotionless tone.

“No, of course I don’t! You actually thought I did? Well, no!” Iwaizumi screams, enraged even further by Oikawa’s behaviour.

The smile stays on, and Iwaizumi feels something’s off. Something’s wrong, has to be, because Oikawa would’ve usually given a yell of, “So mean, Iwa-chan!” or something similar by now. So he looks properly at Oikawa’s face, and sees that the smile he has on isn’t the usual ‘cute smile’ Oikawa usually uses to placate him. This smile is bitter and sad and resigned and everything Oikawa should never be, and Iwaizumi’s anger only increases, for it’s a look he never wants to see, ever.

“I’m sorry. I – I should have known,” Oikawa says softly, quietly, and his tone is filled with a crushing something Iwaizumi just cannot describe, that doesn’t fit, doesn’t belong in Oikawa Toru’s tone. An apology springs to his lips, but Oikawa beats him to speaking. 

“I should have known,” he repeats, bitter smile still on, and turns around slowly. He walks across the snow-covered grass, tracing a path Iwaizumi knows all too well.

The exit to the park.

Iwaizumi is frozen. He can’t move. He can only watch as Oikawa disappears into the distance towards their homes.

\--

Iwaizumi waits outside Oikawa’s house, having rang the doorbell three times already. Surprisingly, no brown-haired, brown-eyed, sleep-rumpled, half-dressed boy answers the door with a cheery smile, yawning, “Good morning, Iwa-chan!”

He quickly locates the spare key, exasperated worry consuming his thoughts, and unlocks the door.

He is met by silence. A layer of dust covers nearly everything in the house, and Iwaizumi panics. Then he spots a pristine white sheet tacked to the fridge – the only clean thing. It’s a note, covered in large, elegant black letters. It looks like ink, and is written in beautiful calligraphy. _Oikawa’s_ calligraphy.

Iwaizumi picks the note up and reads.

_To whoever’s reading this note (Iwa-chan, I’m 100% sure it’s you, so this is addressed to you)_

_I’m done. Done with my crappy excuse of a life. My mom died last year and the rest of the family hates me. My dad left us when I was two. My best friend thinks I'm an idiot. And nobody in this world cares about me. And you know Iwa-chan, I'm sorry. So sorry. I hope I can make things right by going away. I’ve tried and tried not to be selfish my whole life, but it just doesn’t work. So I'm going to do what I do best - I’m going to be selfish, and I’m going to ask one favour of you, Iwa-chan._

_Please, Iwaizumi Hajime. I want to tell you I love you more than anything in the world. Always have. And please, please don’t cry over me, okay? I’ll haunt you if you do. (I know you probably won’t. You’ll be glad to be rid of me, and I can’t say I deserve any better, but I still want to tell you that). You know, you were the only thing that kept me going, and oh, I should have known, should have known that such a perfect creature as you are couldn’t possibly even like such a disgusting, rotten insect, let alone love me._

_Oh, damn it all, Iwa-chan... I love you. And I'm sorry. Somehow I know you’ll be the one reading this. You come over to my house to pick me up for school, and when I don’t respond you slam in with the spare key, no doubt exasperated, annoyed and thinking what a lazy ass I am, and then you find this note._

_Are you coming to school today, you ask._

_I won’t come to school ever again, Iwa-chan... I'm going to a better place... I say._

_I love you so much, and goodbye. I don’t want to see you for a long, long time, okay? Promise me._

_(And if I'm not gone when someone finds me, let me bleed, please let me bleed. I don’t want to live, I love you, I'm sorry)_

_Forever yours_

_Trashykawa_

Iwaizumi doesn’t believe this.

Oikawa, committing suicide?

No, it can’t be.

He runs to the bedroom, slams open the door and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees no dying best friend slash forever crush.

No, wait, the bathroom!

Iwaizumi pushes the door open and again, sees no best friend slumped over bleeding.

_Where is he?_

He rips apart the curtains to find Oikawa lying in the bathtub, a peaceful smile on his face, long-since dried blood decorating the lengthy, vertical cuts on his forearms.

“Oikawa?” he asks hoarsely.

There is no reply.

Iwaizumi rushes to check Oikawa’s pulse, feeling up and down for that steady heartbeat that had comforted him when his grandmother died, when he had broken both his arms and his right leg, when his dog was run over.

He doesn’t find anything.

He places his ear to Oikawa’s strong, sturdy chest and listens for a thump, thump, thump.

He hears nothing.

And finally, he loses it.

Tears stream steadily down Iwaizumi’s cheeks as he wails for Oikawa, clinging to the dead body of his best friend, of the boy he loved.

Loved, because Oikawa is gone now.

Gone, and he’ll never come back.


End file.
